1. You just broke up with your boyfriend, and are feeling very depressed.

Personal issues including family problems, emotional difficulties, illness etc. can have a great impact on your job and therefore ultimately affect your chances to advance your career. Therefore is it is wise to keep your private life separate from your work life, even though one may begin to run into the other. Learn how to manage personal issues and negative emotions and keep them from negatively affecting your job and career.

It is not a problem to let your colleagues know that you broke up with your friend but stay away from dwelling on your depressed feelings to your colleague. The more you talk about it, they more you will leave the impression that you are unable to cope with the situation and that your performance will be affected by it.

2. You have a terrible hangover.

You will be over the hangover in a day, so why bother and share that info with your colleagues? If you look terrible, then tell them that you don’t feel well, but leave the details for that unexplained. If you share that info with the wrong person, that person might let others know that you have an alcohol problem and this is something you surely do not want to happen.

3. Your life outside of work. e.g. what you do over the weekends. partying etc.

Having a close relationship with your colleagues is nice and therefore sharing some info about your life outside work will contribute to a stronger bond. So it does make sense and it is quite natural to share some info on how you spend your weekend, give a little bit info, but don’t go overboard with it. Let them know what you went to a restaurant, or have seen a movie but stay away from detailed reports of being drunk and partying wildly at a club. Leave everything out that could impact your image in a negative way.

4. You’re unhappy about your job / boss / colleague.

Complaining about your job/boss/colleagues to other colleagues is unfortunately very common and the worst thing you can possibly do, so stay away from doing it. It will neither help to improve the situation nor make you really feel better. Even worse is that this kind of info will most of the time not kept as a secret but shared with others and could be used by “not so nice” people to stab you in the back, when you are not around. It can cost you your job and good relationships, where is the point in risking that?

Whatever you are unhappy with, try to figure out the reason/cause for that negative feeling and think of solutions for your problems. Address relationship problems with your boss or colleagues as soon as possible, arrange a meeting, discuss the issue and work out a plan to change the situation for the better, which in return will increase your happiness at work.

5. Should you invite her to join your personal group of friends?

We all have a person at our workplace with which we click, share a close bond and have much more in common than being colleagues only. You probably know that person already for a while and have established a feeling of trust, which proved to be right and want to spend more time with him/her. Then there is nothing wrong with inviting this kind of person into your personal group of friends.

With people that do not match those criteria you might be more careful, think about the consequences and ask yourself if you really want to have that colleague around you all the time in your spare time?

6. Family troubles. Rebellious brother, sick parents etc

When you discuss family problems (such as divorce, problems with kids etc.) which you are having with others, your co-workers and your boss may wonder if those problems are distracting you from doing your job properly.

Talking about such problems could reveal “vulnerable points” of yours and could be used to your disadvantage. You don’t want to do this, especially if you are in a position of authority and people expect you to be able to deal with those issues without a problem. Apart from the fact, that you do not want to bring your personal problems to your work.

7. That you are in debt.

Prevention is the best medicine. Your co-workers and boss will only know as much about your personal life as you share with them. If you don’t want people talking bad behind your back, then learn to keep unpleasant info as a secret.

And having debts is definitively something that should be kept as such, as it can affect your image in quite a negative way. Depending on the nature of your job people will start to wonder if you are unable to handle your finances maybe there are other things you can’t handle as well.

Only share this kind of info with very close friends or professionals, who can help you to address the problem and find solutions for it.

8. That you’re suffering a depression.

It is good advice not to talk about health problems with colleagues, as this opens the door for speculations whether that illness will keep you from doing your job properly and rumours can be spreading.

If you are suffering from a severe depression, which can cause you to take time off and/or affect your performance in a negative way you should let your boss know, but there is no need to give specific details about it to your colleagues.

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1. What advice would you give to a worker who is caught between her two supervisors/bosses?

Stay clear out of the conflict, it is not your task to solve this situation and do not take sides. It’s important not to be negative about one boss or complain about him/her to the other. Help to make work priority and not their relationship with each other. Organise your work properly and let them work out their problems on their own.

2. Whose side should she be on? Should she even take sides? Why/Why not?

It is not advisable to take sides at all as this is not only unprofessional but also you end up being caught in a conflict that is not yours and will probably make one more enemy. It is best to stay neutral, do not mediate between them nor talk very positively about one of them to diffuse negative comments. If one boss rants about the other listen politely, do not comment on it and change the subject. Make clear that you are not part of this relationship problem and are not willing to take sides.

3. Is there a way to manage both relationships without hurting either? How?

It is vital for you to respect both bosses and that you understand their personality and leadership style. Request that both bosses give you deadlines and priorities for their assignments, keep them always informed about your work and ask for feedback. Inform them immediately when scheduling conflicts arise and let them both sort out the priority of the conflicting assignment. Arrange regular meetings with them to get familiar with their expectations of you and their goals.

4. What are some specific things she can do/say to manage this tricky situation? (eg: Boss #1 wants you to handle a project one way, and Boss #2 wants you to handle it another way).

As your bosses for a meeting and discuss the desired outcome of the project, deadlines, resources etc. and let them agree on the most efficient way to handle this project. Your bosses should be specific about the desired results of the project and be on the same page about it and give you that that info in writing.

It is a good idea to have a project master list with all the duties, deadlines and priorities for the project, which both of your bosses need to agree on before you start working on any of the tasks.

5. Under what circumstances would you advise the woman to bow out of the situation (eg: ask the two bosses to sort it out amongst themselves and leave you out of the disagreement).

When receiving conflicting information, different deadlines and priorities, then you should ask them to talk to each other and agree on a way to handle the process and give you that in writing, so you can refer to that info in case of doubt.

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1. Assuming you have identified someone in your organization that you would like as a mentor, how should you go about approaching her? Do you just go straight up to her, introduce yourself and then say, “Will you be my mentor?” (Will that scare her away?) Or is there a better or more informal way of approaching her and maybe sussing her out before eventually popping the question (if making it “official” is even necessary in the first place)? For e.g. should I try to “bump into her” at the pantry and strike up a converstation? If so, what should I say?

That depends upon the relationship that you may have with the potential mentor. When you know your potential mentor already, you can call him/her or send an email to set up a meeting. In case you do not know the person, then send an email in which you explain in brief why you are approaching the person and ask politely for a meeting to discuss things further. Make sure that the meeting will take place in a quiet environment, without any distractions and that the person approached has sufficient time (e.g. a meeting out of the “peak hours” of business is advisable). Give the potential mentor time to think over the commitment and ask them to return back to you after a given time (e.g. a week).

2. What should you do or say if in response, she asks you what exactly you’re looking for when you ask her to be your mentor?

Before approaching any potential mentor it is important that you made up your mind about the reasons why want to be mentored, the types of topics that you want your mentor to provide advice on. (E.g. advancing your carrier, further education, career opportunities, networking, business groups to join) and/or the support you would like to have from the mentor. Write the answers to those questions down and give it a structure. Use that kind information when you discuss the topic with your potential mentor, it will help him/her to understand what is expected from them and they can easier tell, if they can provide you with the support that you are asking them for and whether they have the time for such a commitment.

As some of the prospective mentors are not 100% familiar with the concept of mentoring it would also be good to explain in general what mentoring is about – hence explain that the mentor is expected to help you develop by listing to your issues and give advice based on their own successes, knowledge and experience.

3. What should you do or say if she rejects your request? Should you push the issue again or back off graciously and be on the lookout for another mentor potential?

It can happen that your request will be rejected, prepare yourself for that and do not take it personally, when it happens. The reasons for the rejection may have nothing to do with you or your personality but with other responsibilities or a big workload of the person approached. It is vital to respect that decision and do not have any hard feelings about it. Maybe the person approached can help you find another suitable mentor. It is a good idea to have at least 2-3 potential mentors in mind, so that you have alternatives in case of a rejection.

4. What kind of preparatory work should you do before approaching someone to be your mentor? (for e.g. googling info on her or reading up more about her accomplishments, finding out from the grapevine or other sources about what projects she’s involved in etc) How do you gauge where to draw the line so that you don’t behave too over enthusiastically and bombard her with compliments (and make yourself seem like a stalker in the process)? What kind/level of compliments or comments is considered okay to say to her?

Before approaching a person it is import that you have done your home work and answers to the questions why you want to be mentored and what the outcome of that kind of relationship should be. Choosing a suitable mentor for you starts with identifying your short and long-term career goals. Have a look into the future and ask yourself where you want to be in 3-5 years. What kind of skills, knowledge, contacts and abilities are necessary to get to that point and reach your goal? What kind of experiences should a potential mentor have to support you in reaching your goals? The answers to those questions will help you identify a suitable mentor for you. Once you are clear about the experience and skills of your mentor-to-be you can do your research.

Many individuals who are asked to be mentors are flattered at the request itself and it might not be necessary to give further compliment. However generally complementing a person is okay as long as it is done in a professional and sincere way.

5. If the person you approach agrees to be your mentor, what’s the next step? How do you ask her out for a “date” or fix an appointment with her? Is it better to have your mentoring meeting in the office or somewhere else more informal (such as at a café)?

The next step is to set up some ground rules, such as length of meetings, frequency of meetings, and period of the mentoring program. As the mentor devotes his time to you, it is advisable that the mentee takes the responsibility for managing the relationship, e.g. setting up the meetings, find suitable locations, preparing a summary of the meetings, come up with topics to discuss etc..

As for location this depends on the “comfort level” the mentee has with the mentor. Generally some mentors might feel more comfortable having the first meeting in the office and then later the meeting can be moved to more informal location as the relationship has evolved. Make sure that the premise is comfortable for both and that you can talk without being disturbed by telephone calls or people popping by the office.

6. Is it advisable to chat about personal issues with a mentor? Or should it be kept strictly to company matters?

With a workplace mentor you should generally stick to professional questions and leave the more personal ones to a friend. Remember that a mentor mentee relationship has a professional purpose and you are working in the same company, so better not mix it up as a friendship and keep it as a professional relationship, it will help you to stay focused.

7. What can I offer to my mentor to make myself valuable to her? As it is, she’s already the one in a higher professional position who’s sharing her wisdom and giving me guidance career-wise, but I would like to work towards a relationship that works both ways beneficially. I know that she’s not obligated to help me, and I want her to know that I value her time and advice, so I hope to be able to return the favour in some way.

A good mentor will achieve a sense of personal satisfaction from seeing others succeed and have a desire to be an active participant in others’ learning and growth. I have once heard a mentor saying that the best payback is to see the mentee being successful in their carrier. However please also remember to give positive feedback, which could be a personal thank you note sharing your appreciation for the benefits you are having by being mentored.

For a mentor there is probably no greater compliment than to hear that you made a difference in someone’s life!

8. If I identify a career opportunity that I’m interested in pursuing, say for e.g. a project that I would like to be a part of – and I know that she may be able to get me in on that project… would it be too much to ask of her to help me get into the team? How should I broach the subject? What should I say or do?

The key objective of being in a mentor relationship is to learn and to get advice about your career path and career topics. Normally that means asking for advice and learning from the experience of the mentor. Now asking the mentor for a direct favour such as getting a role in a project is not appropriate in all mentoring relationships as it might jeopardise the integrity of the mentor and is therefore not advisable to do. Instead be honest about your desires to join a specific project and ask for advice on how to successfully approach your manager to let you on the project.

9. How often should we be meeting up for mentoring sessions? She’s likely to be a very busy professional in upper management, and I don’t want to keep bugging her for an appointment. As we reach the end of our mentoring session, how do I go about mentioning the possibility of setting up a follow-up session?

I always advise people who are having a mentor to discuss and clarify all important aspects (topics being covered, frequency of meetings, length of meetings, period of mentoring, way of communication etc.) of the mentoring relationship at the very beginning of it. That will save you lots of time and misunderstandings.

It is then the responsibility of the mentee to ensure that meeting are arranged according to the frequency. As people of senior management are often busy it is important that the mentee is persistent and flexible with regards to this task.

You can meet once or twice a month, depending on the objective of the mentoring.

A good idea for the mentee is to write a summary of each meeting, stating the topics that were discussed, including any actions required, to have a proper overview of the mentoring. That summary can be forward to the mentor together with a “thank you” note and the date for the next meeting. Send a short and polite reminder of the meeting prior to it to the mentor.

10. After the mentoring session is over, should I be calling her up every week, or sending her occasional emails every month to touch base? What’s a good practice to keep in touch with her without being too pushy/needy? In other words, how do I stay connected without being a pain?

A weekly call might be a too frequent approach to keep up but an email per month to let her know how things are progressing is reasonable. Also setting up a lunch with her on a quarterly basis is a good practice to keep in touch. If you are not sure, asking is always the best way to find out what suits your mentor the best. A small present as a token of appreciation given at the end of the mentoring program may be a good idea.

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The next time you think of something, don’t just put it in your notebook and retire it to the back of your head. Start doing making it happen right now. Literally, put everything down, and just go for it. You’ll be surprised with what you can accomplish, even in a few hours. You might end up getting so engrossed in developing your idea that the entire day goes by, and by the time you’re done, whatever you told yourself you needed to do suddenly seems so much less important.

You don’t know anything until you get started.

Ideas are only the beginning. You really don’t know what they’ll lead to until you get started. True creativity doesn’t come to you in the planning stages (if you even like to plan). It happens as you build your business and develop your idea. Oftentimes, the most unique features of a product or a business come out of a particular problem the creators were attempting to solve.

Unlike life, ideas don’t just evolve on their own. You have to start developing them further if you want them to get to the next stage. The process is not fast. There is no “eureka” moment. It’s slow and gradual, with one task laying the foundation for the next. None of it will ever happen if you don’t put down the first brick.

Act now and you get the benefit of being first.

Being first is important. There’s no way around it. If you have an idea and you think nobody else is acting on it, you’re wrong. Most people aren’t all that different from one another. Now I don’t mean to rain on your parade. You are bright for having your idea. But some other bright person probably has the same idea too, and the only difference between you and that person is your ability to make that bright idea happen.

Here’s a case in point. A friend of mine came up with a great idea for an iPhone application. He was smart about it. He started the development process right away. For a few weeks, he was going at a good clip, but he got stuck on some graphics issue. He didn’t believe anyone was trying to develop his idea, so he got a little complacent. It took him two months to launch his product when he could have done it in a few weeks.

Just a few days after he submitted his app to the App Store, he found an app that does almost exactly what his app does. His competitor was only a few days earlier. My friend just couldn’t believe it. He thought nobody would act on his idea, and he was dead wrong.

The lesson is pretty straightforward. Ideas are easy to stumble upon. The question is whether you will get to the end zone before some other highly motivated person does. My friend could have had an entire month of lead time ahead of his competition, but he got complacent and stalled. The mistake didn’t cost him his project, but it did steal his thunder.

Get in the habit of making decisions and moving forward.

There’s a second lesson to be learned from the parable of my friend. Perhaps you’ve already picked a direction you want to go. Maybe you’re in the middle of development right now, and you’re stuck. This is not the time to panic. Now is the time to make a decision and keep moving. The closer you get to launching your product or your business, the better.

You ultimately have to ask yourself how important the problem is. Do you have to solve it right this second? Is it absolutely central, something that ruins your product if you don’t solve it? If it isn’t central to what you’re doing, you can always save it for later. It’s better to move forward now and face the problem later on than to allow it to bankrupt you of your productivity. After a few days, you might even see your problem in a different light.

Hold off on throwing resources at a project, especially early on.

In the beginning stages, it’s best to do the most with as little as you can. In fact, I’d go so far as to say you should always be doing this, no matter what stage your business is in. Get a working prototype of your idea together before you start to polish it. Focus on the core of what your business does before you add varnish to office chairs. Realize that your product has some imperfections, but launch it anyway just to see how well it’s received.

Perfectionists act as if the entire success of a product hinges on a few small details. It doesn’t. It’s okay, if not totally preferable, to be honest and up-front with your customers. Let them know that you’re working hard on polishing up your product, but for the time being, you just wanted to offer them something that works. Such honesty, in a world of fake mission statements and annoying music that plays when you’re put on hold, will make you stand out in a good way. It makes you real, and that’s something everyone can relate to.

The details are just that. Details. Don’t let them stand in the way of developing your idea. Don’t believe that just because you can’t make your product as flashy as the competition, somehow it won’t succeed. Sometimes people actually want less. Give the world what you want, and assuming you aren’t insane, most people will resonate with it. At that point, it’s simply a matter of getting the word out.

1. Take an honest look at yourself. What are your strengths, weaknesses, skills? How did those influence—positively or negatively—your transition?

2. Step up your self-care. Major changes are physically and emotionally taxing. You need self-care now more than ever.

3. Engage your curiosity. What went wrong, or right? What could you have done better? What worked really well?

4. Focus on what you want, and less on what you don’t want. Keep your eye on the prize.

5. Find support. Since your transition affects your family as well, it may be better to seek the outside support of friends or professionals.

6. Work on your thoughts. Calm your fears and reinforce your sense of hope and happiness.

7. Reassure (or avoid) those who are threatened by, or jealous of, the change.

8. Create your own rite of passage. Ceremony and ritual help with all transitions.

9. Let go of how things were “supposed to be” and accept “how things are.” Find appreciation for what is.

10. Keep things in perspective. Or try on a new perspective. Don’t get stuck. Remember, the only constant is change.